Draco Malfoy Edits Fan Fiction
by formerlyknownasone
Summary: This is where Malfoy sits down reluctantly to edit DMHG fan fiction. Really. Oneshot DMHG. Read and Review!


**Hey finally I wrote another DMHG fic!!!! Hope you enjoy this one! And remember to review!**

**NOTE: Some of you may be offended with the content or think that I am making direct insults to your story, so i beg you to please please please read the end of the story so that you will know why and that I'm not insulting anybody okay? You will understand that I'm not insulting once you read the last part.**

**

* * *

He sank into his big grand chair, wondering what on earth have he done to deserve this.**

It was already late at night, yet he was still hard at work. It was a particularly hot summer night, and he was sweating profusely. There was nothing more Draco would really like than to just enjoy a refreshing shower and just head to bed, but, as I've said, Draco Malfoy here is a busy man.

What was his work? Well, err...

To read all the works on Fan Fiction regarding the relationship between him and Hermione Granger and_ publish _them.

Okay you can stop laughing at him now.

I said, _stop laughing. _

Yeah, his job pretty much sucks. I'm sorry to disappoint you guys, but no, Draco Malfoy did not end up as a Auror or some sort of rich businessmen who end up being richer then the entire Wizarding world. There was just so many story with him being some successful tycoon that he sometimes actually did believe that he was one.

It wasn't funny reading through thousands of manuscripts about his life, he will tell you. Many were too cliché, while others were too ridiculous or just plain boring. Draco couldn't believe how many unimaginative authors there were around.

Like the next work he read, for example.

_One day, Draco Malfoy was walking into the Hogwarts Express. He was now Head Boy. When he opened the Prefects Compartment door. He saw a bushy hair girl sitting inside. She was beautiful, he thought. _

" _I am Head Girl," Hermione informed him. She was smiling at him, unlike before. Draco smiled back and all their hatred for the past six years simply disappeared. Like magic. _

_That night they found out that somehow a mysterious Head Boy/Girl tower that never existed before in Hogwarts simply popped out from nowhere. According to all fan fiction authors and Dumbledore, they were supposed to live together in the same room this year. Both of them were secretly glad. _

_After a couple of months of living together, they were no longer enemies and there was an unresolved sexual tension between the two of them. One night, while patrolling around the corridor, Draco met Hermione Granger. All of a sudden Malfoy kissed her and she kissed back. The end._

Draco must have read a thousand of these stories. Why on earth would he just kiss her suddenly? It was so unnatural. And obviously, there was no such mysterious tower that was dedicated to the Heads. For this type of story, he simply just tore it up and burn it in the fireplace, desperately praying that the next story he read was not the same content except with a different author's name.

It was not, to his relief. Or so he thought.

_Over the summer, Hermione Granger suddenly grew breast and her hair turned straight. Her parents cruelly informed her that she was an adopted child and Hermione burst into tears. Then they told her that she was actually a pureblood and was twins with the Slytherin Blaise Zambini and they now wanted her back. Apparently they gave her away for some very elaborate reason that involved Voldemort and her life. So Hermione cheered up and packed her bags to move to Zambini's Mansion, years of education and love wasted on her because she never visited the Grangers anymore. _

_She was now known as Mia Zambini and her brother Blaise suddenly began to be very loving and protective about her, even though in school he had ridiculed her many a times. In some stupid pureblood party she met Draco Malfoy. Because he was so good looking she immediately forgot all those years of insults and started dating him. _

" _You are hot," he told her. _

_When she went back to school she was sorted into the Slytherin House, and she was happy. She forgot about her friends Harry Potter and Ron Weasley because she was such a ingrate. Mia became popular with the Slytherin and Draco defended her from the nasty Gryffindors. Soon they got married and lived happily ever after. _

This was another one of those really _ridiculou_s story he read, and definitely not unfamiliar. For this Draco simply had many questions to ask. Did so many people thought Hermione as such a shallow person as to be a proud Slytherin or forget her family and friends? And why, just why, did they think Draco would suddenly be so nice to her?

Assuming that Hermione could suddenly become a pureblood and that this story makes sense of course.

Draco sighed as he reluctantly scanned through the next story. He (or she) too, suffer from the lack of sanity as the previous author.

_On the graduation night of Hogwarts, both Hermione and Draco had an excessive amount of Butterbeer. They became drunk very quickly and conveniently both made their way to Draco's room. They started kissing each other fiercely and clothes were torn off. The next morning, the both of them found themselves naked. They agreed that nothing happened and Hermione somehow escape from his room undetected. _

_Eight years later, Hermione Granger had a young son name Tom Dick-Harry Granger. He had blond hair and grey eyes. She worked in the Ministry and so did Draco. They never see each other after the incident. But somehow Draco managed to meet with Tom Granger and so he went to confront Hermione. He is a bloody clone of me, He screamed when she tried to deny his parentage. After weeks of persuasion Hermione and Draco decided to get married and Tom could accept his father immediately. _

This was another of those defying-gravity logic. First of all, Butterbeer had no alcohol so neither of them could get drunk. And of course there was the big question of how Hermione could actually manage to hide a miniature Draco from him for eight years. But nevertheless Draco had to admit that this was probably one of the better (though not original) plots that he read.

Sometimes Draco couldn't decide which one was worse, the uncreative stories, or the overly-creative ones. While the former had its disadvantage, the latter had even more faults then he could count. Like this one.

_It was another night for Hermione Granger, or so she thought. Somehow all her years of education at Hogwarts were wasted and she did not qualify for any jobs even though she was the smartest witch of her year. Idiots like Crabbe and Goyle were raking in millions of galleons. But Hermione was somehow forced to become a stripper and sleep with many wizards just to get a living. _

_That night she entertained some big businessman _(See! somehow, even in the most original plot, Draco still ends up being a businessman)_ and was shocked to see Draco Malfoy,. He too, was pleasantly surprised by how pretty she looked. Two hours later they had a night of passion. _

_The next day Draco resigned from his high-paying job and became a stripper too, to accompany Hermione. Their manager fell in love with Hermione and both of they ran away. They joined the Muggle circus and secretly got married. When their friend Harry Potter visited them years later, he was amazed at how Draco and Hermione could live in a big house by feeding llamas with six kids on the pay that could barely pay their bills. _

This was the type of story that reduced Draco to tears.

Many of these authors turned out to be Shakespearean fans. They particularly enjoyed the story of Romeo and Juliet, and modeled their stories after it.

_Draco belonged to the Slytherin house while Hermione belonged to Gryffindor House. Both house were bitter rivals and could not get along. One day Draco sneaked into a Gryffindor Party in hopes of seeing Pansy. He saw Hermione, fell in love with her, and kissed her. That night, he climbed the common room stairs. _

" _Oh Draco, Oh Draco, wherefore art thou Draco?" Hermione cried. _

_Their parents and Houses objected to their relationship and Hermione ended up being engaged to Ronald Weasley. They sought the help of Dumbledore, who gave them a mysterious potion. In the end, The two of them poisoned themselves with the badly made potion and died as star-crossed lovers. _

While he had openly declared his hatred for such stories, Draco actually secretly liked this style of story. He liked the idea of forbidden love ( Though he will never admit) and such plots do happen to intrigue him. This, however, was one time too many so he threw it into the fire.

Then there was the ever popular idea of Hermione and him getting stuck in some place and are forced to kiss. Ah, Draco thought as his eyes flicked over a familiar work. How could he forget about all those mistletoe stories, especially during the festive season like Christmas?

_It was an awfully cold night. Most students of Hogwarts had already went home, but Hermione preferred to stay for the holidays. It was christmas eve, and yet Hermione was all alone, strolling slowly around the corridor. She hadn't want to join in with the Christmas festivities, she needed to clear her head. _

_At least she thought she was all alone. Then as she turned the corner, she saw a familiar blond hair._

_Malfoy, she said, and the boy turn around. He smiled at her, and they both began to chat like old friend. Suddenly a mistletoe appeared over them and they both kissed. _

These writer must really be kidding him. This was some cruelty the Hermione fans were inflicting on him because he called her a "mudblood" once right?

He flicked through the rest of the pile. The next one, he was pleased to say, was a short piece. Good, he thought, the pain would be over soon.

But as usual, his relief was short term.

It was a poem.

_Roses are red, _

_Violets are blue._

_There are so many ways,_

_For Draco to say I love you. _

The guy claimed he was a professional poet.

Yes, there were so many such ways for Draco to declare how much he apparently love Granger, and yet the guy had to pick this way. Smooth.

Another proud ripped-off exhibit:

_Hermione and Draco hated each other. While they were busy hexing each other in the corridor, a puff of smoke appeared and the two of them were gone. _

" _Huh? Where are they?" Ron asked. Harry shrugged. _

_They had both been sent to the future. While bickering for the best method to hex each other, the two suddenly went to the future and saw themselves as adults. Their mature forms were married and very in love with each other. Both were shocked, but accepted the fact gradually._

"_Let's not fight anymore," Draco told her. Hermione nodded. _

_After a series of events, they finally managed to go back in time. The two of them made headlines in Hogwarts for being together, and three years later they actually got married. _

This was _why_ he had to read through all the stuff every single day. He didn't want any wild tales spreading around and polluting the world.

* * *

Hermione entered the study room, only to be greeted by the sight of a distressed Draco. His hair was ruffled, and his shirt was in the same condition. Peering over his back, she found out him looking at some manuscript with really back handwriting.

" At it again, Draco?" She said, dropping a kiss on his cheek.

" Can you believe some of the rubbish people actually write?" Draco exclaimed, exasperated. He pointed to the pile of rejected manuscripts to his wife, and she obediently pick up a couple of these stories.

" Honestly, I don't know how they people actually come up with all these theories." He said, shaking his head. He looked up, and saw Hermione smirking widely at him.

He didn't like that smile somehow.

" What?" Draco asked. " They _are_ ridiculous."

" As ridiculous as that might be they are partially true. After all, we did end up as Head Boy and Girl."

" But there was no-"

" And we did end up snogging each other in the corridor. I also vaguely remember you saying how hot I was." Hermione interrupted.

" Yeah but-"

" I do recall that we _did_ have a son out of wedlock years ago and his name is Tom."

" But we-"

" And we did first kiss in some Gryffindor common room party, a la Romeo and Juliet."

" Well I-"

" And it so happens that I have a certain cheesy poem that sounds almost like this tucked away in my drawer somewhere, given to me by a _certain Slytherin_. Who might that be, Draco?" Hermione finishes, raising an eyebrow.

Draco Malfoy was silent, unable to argue with true facts. How he longed to argue back, but unfortunately for him, Hermione was indeed, sadly, misfortunately right.

As usual.

" As you can see darling, not all of them are as wild or imaginative as you described them to be... Because it is real. Unless, of course, you are trying to say that our relationship is false, Draco?" Hermione said, her voice sounding dangerous.

" Of course not, Hermione!" Draco said quickly. No way was he going ruin their marriage by saying something wrong. He would tell her that they were all true if he had to. He would lie.

Besides the fact that it was true, of course.

" Good." Hermine paused, before continuing "Because I suppose you forgot that we did actually run away that one time and have six children who happen to keep _llamas_ as pets."

This time Draco really couldn't deny anything.

* * *

**So How did you guys find this story? I hope you all like it so REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!**

**I repeat, this story is not meant to insult any writers down here, but just to show how quick Draco is to deny all the wild stuff happening in his life. SO NO OFFENCE!**


End file.
